HOW DO YOU DRINK? by DAdeMacGregor

Posted on July 12, 2011


Vodka, Whiskey, Wine, Beer, Champagne, Cognac or “Ogogoro”, alcoholic drinks and beverages are a key element of parties and celebrations to help guests unwind, let loose and have the maximum amount of fun scheduled for the hour(s). Nowadays, people are more concerned about what they’ll drink than what they’ll eat. Bottom-line, to throw a reputable party for your friends, drinks are a must have.

To drink or not to drink has been an ongoing debate in some religions particularly in Christianity. We’ve often heard our Christian brothers say “But Jesus turned water into wine”, the typical excuse they give when guzzling down three to four bottle of beer at the local pepper soup joint at 17.59 after a hard days job.

People don’t need an excuse to drink, but to make the activity fun and exciting, we attach some form of reason to it sometimes. We know the common reasons like.

“Thank God it’s Friday, let’s go drinking.”

“I just bought a new car, let’s celebrate, drinks on me.”

But overtime I’ve heard some ridiculous ones like,

“I just replaced the tires to my old car, drinks on me.”

“My irritant boss has gone for a four months business course in Wales, let’s go drinking.”

“My boss is back, let’s go drinking again.”

And YES, I actually know people who used these ridiculous ones. As long as you’re ready to spend the money, there’s always an entourage ready to tag along. Hence, be careful before you declare a free drinks hangout at the pub if you’re not capable of handling the bills. You just might have to the run the night shift doing cleaning and serving duties as compensation for owing (that is if you don’t get beat up by the pub owners and their friends).

After carefully observing the behavioural pattern of a wide range of people, I have come up with my own classification of drinkers. They go as follows:

  1. “I Drink Whenever I Want To” Drinkers

These are the most fun people to watch and analyze. For Emeka, everyday is a celebration. Emeka drinks every day after work and sometimes at lunch break. Emeka’s drinking might not necessarily be excessive but he does not need an occasion to drink. Emeka would most likely be found in a drinking competition with his homeboys at the pub every now to prove a point that he is good at what he loves to do (most of the time he wins anyways). He’s the guy who has all the facts, figures and general information about the health benefits of drinking.

          2. “I Drink Occasionally” Drinkers

Sade drinks at parties, celebrations and hangouts. Sade doesn’t drink except there’s a reason to. Sally is also very picky about what she drinks. Sade would probably drink a glass or two and that would be all for the night. When Sade is offered more, Sade would probably say “No, thank you.” or make excuses like “I’m driving tonight, I can’t have anymore”. This puts Sade in a comfortable position from drinking too much.

Veuve Clicquot / Frédéric Maurel

        3.   “I Drink Only When There’s Nothing Else” Drinkers.

Hakeem cannot really be placed as his age old excuse makes it difficult to classify him.

Is he an Occasional or Random drinker, I’m not quite sure but one thing I’m sure of is that he drinks and most of the time, way more than the occasional drinkers.

Since alcohol is readily more available at events than water, soft drinks or whatever substitute, he has no other choice but to drink a lot.

       4.    “I Don’t Drink At All (1)” Drinkers.

Dotun lies he doesn’t drink, but drinks all the time. He has a very perfect way of hiding it from his relatives and church members so they wouldn’t think less of him. Dotun is constantly scared of running into people who might judge him. This behavioural pattern is common amongst teenage guys and girls just about when they start drinking (and don’t want their parents or elder siblings to find out for fear of beating).

Dotun has no choice but to adapt a Split Personality technique where he is known as a drinker to some and a non-drinker to others. Dotun feels it’s safe to live his life this way so that either at church or with his guys, he can be whoever you want him to be.

       5.    “I Don’t Drink At All (2)” Drinkers.

“It doesn’t go well with my system.”

“It’s against my religion.”

Whatever the case is, David doesn’t drink at all no matter the peer pressure or environment. He would order a malt drink when his guys order a bottle of beer or a fruit wine for champagne. David would never be caught drinking, period!!!

Whether you drink like a fish or abstain like a catholic priest, have a thorough understanding of what suits you. Be responsible for your actions and don’t go against what you believe in. Whatever it is that you drink and in whatever proportions you drink it, DRINK RESPONSIBLY!!! And one more thing, DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE.